I’ve spent time with many women over the last few weeks and it’s great to have conversations about where we are and what we are doing. Some are working part-time, full-time, running their businesses, or starting to work on a new business.
But there are recurring themes that come up time and time again:
❎ I’m exhausted at the end of the day.
❎ I haven’t had a chance to catch my breath.
❎ I don’t get time to exercise.
❎ I don’t get a chance to cook properly.
❎ There are always events with family and friends and I feel that I have to be there.
I can understand that we all have so much going on that it’s easy to forget about ourselves in the process. But this is the start of burnout and can lead to resentment towards your family and work. 💔
As South Asian women, I think we are programmed to put everyone else first, our kids and family needs, our work commitments, and the people we care about. There are expectations about how we are meant to behave and what we should be doing and sometimes our close family will not be shy in telling us exactly what they think we ‘should’ be behaving either directly or indirectly. I’ve heard women being called selfish for taking time to go the gym, seeing friends or even going back to work after kids.
If you’re feeling stressed and don’t know where to start, get a pen and paper and reflect on these questions:
- What do you enjoy doing in your downtime? This does not mean rest when you’re tired at the end of the day, but when you have energy, what do you do for fun/hobbies/interests?
- When can you take some time during the day/week to do this?
- Who do you have for support to lean on?
- How do you divide up responsibilities at home?
- How do you feel about asking for help?
- How do you feel about saying ‘No’ to something that will take up your time and energy and that you don’t enjoy?
A few years ago, I asked myself some of these questions and I figured out that I thought asking for help was a sign of weakness. As the big sister and independent person I labelled myself to be, I neglected to seek support when I needed it and that’s something that I’ve worked on since.
We like to think of women as multi-taskers, ready to help and do anything for their loved ones, and that is fine when you also have had time to re-fuel and centre yourself.
Another perspective that may help is what would you tell a friend who was feeling burnt out. Often the advice we give our friends is what we must do for ourselves too.
If you feel that the changes you need to make are too large or out of reach right now, then please contact me for coaching as together we can make manageable changes to support you. Contact me here, or purchase the Workbook on Managing Your Work-life Balance which has lots more coaching exercises to help you prioritise your needs without feeling guilty!